Confessions Entry 1

I have begun St. Augustine’s Confessions and will continue to muse in a “confession-like way until I complete the book. May God illuminate the text, and guide my heart to a greater understanding of His providential love for mankind.

Entry 1

O my Lord, my soul thirsts for your name, for your blessings, for the love of your Son. Vanity of vanities my heart is torn from you through the pleasures of the world. Dust clings to dust, as physical pleasure seeks to draw me from you. Create within me a pure heart, Father. Create within me a heart that desires you, and only you. Let my joy be found in your name. Let my joy be found in walking at your side as you lead me from the darkness into the light of your presence. There is no one like you; there is no one who can so satisfy the thirst I have for love, for intimacy, for complete acceptance, as you do, O Lord. The heart is a light – a light that has been darkened through my sin as I have been transformed by the world in my adolescence. Yet through your grace I am renewed and the blemished darkness that so tarnished the light of my heart has been cast away  - the luminance of my soul shines once again. It is a continual process, my God – the rejuvenation of my soul. I yearn for that which is righteous and pleasing to you, and yet am thwarted by the temptations of the world with its licentiousness, its greed, and envy. Purge me from my iniquities, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  

Happy is the man who sees not his own needs but the needs of those around him. Happy is he who sees and acts. The world in its current form is passing. I wish no longer to be transformed by the things of this world, but to come to know the world in its splendor through the eyes of a loving and merciful God. I contemplate, and question. I seek to understand. I yearn for compassion, love – a selflessness that transcends human rationality. Holy Spirit guide me in my quest. Illuminate my path. Lay obstacles through which I can increase my faith in the Father, for it is when I am weak that He is strong.