Entry 3
There is something
to be said about substantive satisfaction. Rest in me Holy Spirit. Purge my
heart from desiring substance to fill me, for you have said that Man does not
live on bread alone, but on the word of the Father. Let me drink from the
eternal springs of your love. Dry up the abyss that has been so filled with
alcohol to the point of satisfaction over you, Lord. Let my love for Christ,
love of Christ illuminate my path and draw out all that is impure, and idolatrous
in my life. There is a voice in my mind that pushes against your will - a voice that yearns to take the easy path.
That path of least resistance is the path that brings me most pleasure. It is
through the last twenty years of my life that I have come to realize that it is
through the path of pleasure that my soul can never be completely be fulfilled.
It is the path of pleasure that desires more pleasure; yet the more I desire
pleasure, the more elusive the happiness I seek.
Lord, I have heard
it time and time again that true hope and satisfaction lies in you. I lose
faith in my day, and it is that voice of rebellion that tells me that my way is
better and that I cannot find happiness only in you. It is that voice that
leads me to substances to fill the void in my heart, it is that voice in that
leads me to lust to fill the void in my heart, it is that voice that leads me
to spend hours browsing the web resisting the opportunity to connect with you.
Father, my heart is a heart of thorns. Redeem me, sustain me.
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