Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Confessions Entry 6



Food and drink are not pleasurable unless accompanied by hunger and thirst. So too are the many desires of this world. It is in my suffering that I find solace and utmost pleasure in your restful peace, Father. I pray for my future wife that I may not fall into temptation in the lusting after of another woman. Augustine has written, 'Lord make me chaste but not yet.' Let this not be my prayer, but upon waking let me desire to celebrate your light, and as I stumble through the darkness call your name on high, "Lord make me chaste, immediately."  Let me be honest and real in your presence, Lord. Protect my wife from the many snares of the world in its present form. I know my present need for intimacy is passing and that in falling to my knees I feel the earth beneath with the weight of my sin and my crushing unbelief. Increase my faith, and let me loose from the chain that is lust and chain me to your beauty instead. Let me see something more beautiful, more desirable that will set my eyes on you. I know that my own human condition inhibits me from overcoming any struggle alone, and so I look to you to draw me unto you that I may see your beautiful light. What is lust but the desire for physical intimacy? How much greater is that desire when experienced in the context of marriage, Lord? Are your precepts not just? You only want what’s best for us, and sometimes I think my ways are greater than yours in my own pride. Lessen my pride and let me be faithful in your righteousness. Help me to see that it is through your law that I am made most joyful and complete. Help me to reconcile my own inadequacy for I am made adequate in you. Let me eyes be focused on your beauty, and the beauty of your creation with eyes of purity, for it is when my eyes are pure that my mind is pure, and when my mind is pure, my body pure.  Let not my eyes deceive me, for I do not walk by sight but by faith in your holy name.  Amen. 

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